This is not the gap on a road or the gap between platform and train for which generally this logo is used. This logo is generally used in London underground trains.

The gap which I am referring to here is the gap between “What I currently am” and “What I really want to be”.

Do you see a gap between these two? In myself I do see, a huge gap.

So what is that, that I really want to be? I see that I want to be happy continuously.

It is the continuous Happiness which I really want. I want Certainty, Consistency and Continuity of Happiness. There is never a time when I desire for unhappiness. When I am unhappy I want to come out of that state and when I am happy I want to continue to be in that state, so it implies that it is Happiness which I really want!

This is something which is independent of perceptions. This is something which is inherent in each individual. All the actions of a human being are happening just for the sake of ensuring Happiness and its continuity, without any exception. We do a lot of things, like studying for exams, passing IITs, doing Phds, doing Jobs, earning recognitions, positions, money, marriage, kid etc, expecting unconditional acceptance from others around, liking-disliking people around and a lot more things, but the question still remains, is that all able to give me what I really want? Mind you, I do not discourage doing all above or I do not say that above all is wrong, but the only thing which makes me to think is, is this sufficient for what I really want?

And the next question is, what I currently am? Am I what I really want to be?

If I compare my current state with what I really want to be, then I see that I am not what I really want to be!

Are you?

If I am not then what is the program of action I am going to follow in order to be what I really want to be?

This is generally the way how hunters catch monkeys. They put some eatables inside a vessel with narrow opening in which a monkey’s hand can go, but when monkey gets hold of that eatable and tries to pull it out, he can not take his hand out and is ultimately trapped! 😀

So question which comes here is,

Who caught the monkey?

1. Hunter?
2. Trap itself?
3. Lack of understanding of monkey?

This situation can be related with us too. We are also trapped in such kind of traps and we keep blaming the hunter for installing that trap. There are many situations which can be related to it,

1. I wear different masks in front of different people and then blame others that others make me to wear these masks and also criticize those who wear masks in front of me.

2. I want to live with Trust, but my Trust on other person is generally dependent on other person’s conduct. When conduct of other person changes, I get hurt and I blame other person that he/she breached my trust.

3. I want to live with Happiness, that is my need and due to lack of understanding of what it is, I keep blaming others that they are not letting me to live with happiness.

4. Due to lack of understanding of Happiness, I search it in those places where it is not and I am trapped. I do not get Happiness and make others also unhappy.

5. Due to my own lack of understanding I am Trapped (Partantra) and I keep blaming others that others are not letting me to be Free (Swatantra).

This is where we all are Trapped. This monkey trap is something which is visible, but the trap in which we are stuck is not visible through eyes. It can only be felt, understood. Once I realize that I am trapped then I start working to get rid of that trap and become “Swatantra”.

So here I see that I am trapped due to my own lack of understanding. If I have understanding then I can become Free/Happy (Swatantra).

It is Understanding/Knowledge which can make me Happy.

Knowledge includes, understanding related to,

1. Self
2. Family
3. Society
4. Nature

We see that we have expectations from people with whom we feel related and like. When those expectations are not fulfilled then we get hurt and conclude that expectations is the root cause of all miseries. We start feeling that if we have no expectations then we will not get hurt and tell others the same, that seems to be right, but are we really able to do it? Are we able to suppress our expectations? After getting hurt again and again we become more careful about ourselves, we are afraid that it might again give rise to some expectations again and possibility to get hurt again might rise. But, I see that this is not desirable to me, I am suppressing my expectations with other person. I am always trying to keep some distance with other person so that I do not get hurt again. I am not feeling good within me. When those expectations are fulfilled then I feel good, when they are not I feel bad. When I am suppressing my expectations then also I am feeling bad. Expectations are actually arising within me and more than half of my energy is going into suppressing those expectations and even after suppressing them I am feeling a void within. The void is killing me. I am feeling very lonely. I am always searching for somebody who can understand me, whom I can trust, with whom I have assurance that he will be there with me no matter what! Generally we expect unconditional Trust and unconditional Respect from other person.

When I get that person after getting hurt many many times, I feel very very comfortable. I start considering the person as my everything. My expectations with that person are too much and till the time they are getting fulfilled I am very happy. But, as soon as the time comes when I feel that my expectations are not being fulfilled or something similar then in this case I get hurt terribly. In this case I get hurt more because after getting hurt already several times I got a person whom I could trust and when I find that even this person is not able to fulfill my expectations or even this person doesn’t understand me, then my trust shakes terribly and I get hurt terribly!

So what is the solution?

There are a few potential issues with these expectations. We expect Unconditional Trust and Unconditional Respect from other person. We want other person to Unconditionally Accept us. Unconditional Acceptance means Certainty, Consistency and Continuity of Trust and Respect. We expect Certainty, Consistency and Continuity of Trust and Respect from other person.We expect that other person should never doubt our intentions, should understand us, should always evaluate us rightly. Others also have same expectations from us.

Now here the problem starts. I and other person both want Unconditional Acceptance from each other. Lets analyze the situation from our side. I see that I Trust other person when other person suits to my preferences, likings and disliking. The more other person suits the more I Trust him. When I get such a person I feel happy because I can Trust him. With time we see that, either the other person’s behavior and work changes and he is no longer suitable to my preferences or my preferences change so other person is not longer suitable to my preferences or even if the person is suitable to my preferences since a long time but that is not sufficient for me now, I want something more than that. Same thing happens with other person. So I see that,

There is no certainty that my expectations will be fulfilled by other person.

There is no consistency that all the expectations will be fulfilled all the time by other person.

There is no continuity of fulfillment of those expectations by other person because even if they are fulfilled then I want something more than that after some time.

One more thing is, in this case the key of my happiness is in hands of other person. When other person is able to fulfill my expectations I feel happy otherwise not.

Generally after seeing all which we discussed we start feeling that expectation itself is the root cause of misery so lets suppress it. I also see that suppressing expectations is not being possible. The more I suppress I more stronger it gets.

So what is that, that I really want? and what is the way out of it?

Few questions which come first are, what do I really expect? and  why do I expect that? and how can that expectation be fulfilled?

Every Human Being want Certainty, Consistency and Continuity of Happiness in every dimension of his living. All the actions of a human being are happening for the sake of ensuring happiness only. All the desires, expectations, thoughts are directed to reach the same goal, to reach the same purpose, to satisfy the same need, i.e. happiness.

In the absence/lack of understanding of “what happiness actually is?” and “how can I get it?” I start searching it in each and every such thing which makes me feel good.

I see that I feel good in various things, like eating good food, enjoying in amusement parks, having a long drive in a good car, TV, music, movies, having a bunglow, having lots of money, power, position, having good and fulfilling relationships, winning an award and many more. This list is endless. These things can be classified into two categories at this stage. Things which make me feel good physically and things which make me feel good emotionally.

Here we also see that feeling good emotionally is dominant than feeling good physically. If I am not in good mood then I can not enjoy food in even a 5 star hotel, I can not enjoy rides in an amusement park, I can not enjoy any of such physical things. When I am already in good mood then even if other physical pleasures like good food, TV, music, movies are not available then its fine. If they are available then that’s better. Generally what we try to do is, we try to fulfill the emotional need with physical things and that doesn’t fulfill it.

Now as we discussed that the basic emotional need is of Unconditional Acceptance from other person in a relationship. Even in this case we saw a potential problems of not able to ensure certainty, consistency and continuity of fulfillment of that emotional need from other person.

So what ultimately is the solution?

Solution is Knowledge.

Knowledge of what actually Trust is, what actually respect is, what actually unconditional acceptance mean, what do I really want and how can I fulfill it.

A human being wants to live with certainty in every dimension of his living. He starts with the expectation of certainty in others around, in family, society and nature and that also according to his preferences. When he recognizes uncertainty in any dimension then it makes him unhappy.

With Knowledge we start recognizing that certainty is already there in existence. Recognition of that already existing certainty in existence is Happiness.

To understand Happiness, Trust, Respect, Acceptance etc. we need knowledge. Knowledge includes,

Knowledge of the Self,
Knowledge of entire existence,
Knowledge of Natural Human Conduct.

एक दिन एक लोकल बस ड्राईवर बस को लेकर अपने निर्धारित रस्ते से गुज़र रहा था| रस्ते से गुज़रते हुए उसने बस को एक बस स्टाप पर रोका| वहां पर बस में एक हट्टा कट्टा ६ फुटिया पहलवान बस में चढ़ा| बस ड्राईवर ने उससे टिकट लेने का अनुरोध किया, इस पर पहलवान ने कहा, “पहलवान टिकट नहीं खरीदता”| यह सुनकर बस ड्राईवर घबरा गया और उसने पहलवान को फ़िर कुछ नहीं कहा| उसने पहलवान को बिना टिकट ही यात्रा करने दी|
दूसरे दिन फ़िर ड्राईवर जब अपने निर्धारित रस्ते से गुज़र रहा था तब फ़िर से वह पहलवान उस बस स्टाप से बस में चढा| टिकट लेने का अनुरोध किए जाने पर उसने फ़िर से वही जवाब दिया, “पहलवान टिकट नहीं लेता”| बस ड्राईवर फ़िर से घबरा गया और फ़िर से उसने उस पहलवान को बिना टिकट यात्रा करने दी| हर दिन ऐसा ही चलता रहा| देखते ही देखते २ महीने निकल गए और वह पहलवान बिना टिकट ही यात्रा करता रहा|
अब यह बस ड्राईवर से सहन नहीं होता था| बस ड्राईवर ने भी ठान ली की मैं इस पहलवान को सबक सिखा के ही रहूँगा| उसने फ़िर अपने सारे प्रयत्न अपने शरीर को और ताकतवर बनाने मे लगा दिए| रोज सुबह उठकर बहुत कसरत किया करता था| अब उसने कराटे क्लास भी ज्वाइन कर ली थी| ४ महीने के निरंतर अथक प्रयास के बाद जब उसे लगा की अब मैं उस पहलवान को टक्कर देने का सामर्थ्य हासिल कर चुका हूँ तो उसने वापस से बस चलाने का निर्णय लिया|
अब वह वापस से दूसरे दिन बस को उसी रस्ते से ले कर गया| वह पहलवान आदमी वहा से बस मे चढा| बस ड्राईवर ने अब की बार उससे गुस्से में कहा, “अरे ओ पहलवान की औलाद, ये ले तेरा टिकट”| पहलवान ने फ़िर वही कहा, “पहलवान टिकट नहीं खरीदता”| यह सुनकर ड्राईवर ने बस रोक दी और अपनी बुशर्ट की आस्तीन ऊपर कर के बोला, “ऐसे कैसे नहीं खरीदेगा टिकट”, तो इस पर पहलवान ने जवाब दिया, “पहलवान टिकट इसलिए नहीं खरीदेगा क्यूंकि उसके पास बसपास है”!

अगर हम ध्यान से देखें तो हमारे संबंधों में जो हम कई तरह के तनाव महसूस करते हैं, उनमें से आधे से ज्यादा तनाव हमारी उलटी सीधी कल्पनाओं के ही कारण रहते हैं| हम दूसरे व्यक्ति के बारे में कुछ भी मान लेते हैं, कुछ भी कल्पना कर लेते हैं और या तो उस कल्पना के आधार पर, उत्साहित होने लगते हैं या फ़िर भयभीत| उसी कलपना के आधार पर हम दूसरे व्यक्ति के साथ व्यवहार करने लगते हैं| दूसरे व्यक्ति के बारे में मेरे अन्दर बनी हुई कल्पना, मेरी आंखों पर एक रंगीन चश्मा लग जाने जैसा होता है| अब उस दूसरे व्यक्ति की हर गतिविधि मुझे रंगीन ही दिखाई देती है| अब भाई लाल रंग का चश्मा लगा कर देखेंगे तो दुनिया लाल ही दिखाई देगी न! यहाँ तक की हम दूसरे व्यक्ति से पूछने की भी चेष्ठा नहीं करते की असलियत क्या है और बस अपने आप को ही सही माने रहते हैं| संबंधों में इस तरह के संवाद की कमी के कारण हम कई तरह के तनाव महसूस करते हैं| यह तनाव धीरे धीरे जलन, घृणा, इर्ष्या, इत्यादि का रूप ले लेती है और हमें पता भी नहीं चलता| जब तक हमें पता चलता है तब तक बहुत देर हो चुकी होती है, और यह सब हमारे दुखों का कारण बनता है|

एक बार एक आदमी पानी पीने के लिए एक नदी के किनारे जाता है| नदी के किनारे एक आम का पेड़ था, जिसका प्रतिबिम्ब पानी पर पड़ रहा था| जब वह आदमी पानी के पास पहुचता है तो उसे पानी में आम के पेड़ पर लगे हुए आमों की परछाई दिखाई देती है| वो आदमी उन आमों की परछाई को ही आम मान लेता है और उसे पाने के लिए पानी में कूद जाता है| एक किनारे से दूसरे किनारे, यहाँ से वहां, ज्यादा से ज्यादा गहरा तक उतर जाता है, पर उसे आम नहीं मिलता! आम ना मिल पाने के कारण वह अपने सामर्थ्य पर शंका करने लगता है और फिर उसे लगता है को इस आम को पाने के लिए मुझे अपने बल व सामर्थ्य को बढाना होगा, तो वह कई तरह के यन्त्र उपकरणों का आविष्कार करता है, कई तरह को नावें, जहाज, पन्दुब्बियाँ इत्यादि बना लेता है| लगा ही रहता है, पर उसे आम नहीं मिलता| तो वह और भी कई लोगों को उन आमों के बारे में बताता है, वे लोग भी उसके साथ उस आमों को पानी में से निकालने के लिए तत्पर हो उठते हैं और अपने सारे प्रयास उन आमों को पाने के लिए लगाने लगते हैं|
साथ ही साथ कई और तरह की गतिविधियाँ भी समाज में होने लगती हैं| कई तरह की बैठकें, सभाएं होने लगती हैं, जिनमें चर्चा का विषय होता है, “पानी में से आम कैसे निकालें”| कई तरह की पुस्तकें छपने लगती हैं, जो लोगो का उत्साहवर्धन करने का काम करती हैं, पानी में से आम निकालने के लिए लोगों को प्रेरित करती हैं| “पानी में से आम निकालने के ७ तरीके”, “आज ही अपना आम पाइए”, “आम ही सब कुछ है”, “२१ दिनों में आम” इत्यादि पुस्तकें बाजार में उपलब्ध होने लगती हैं| देखते ही देखते पूरा समाज पानी में से आम निकालने, बाकी लोगों को पानी में से आम निकालने के लिए प्रेरित करने तथा उससे जुड़े व्यवसायों में लग जाता है|
कई तरह के विचित्र यंत्रों का निर्माण होने लगता है, जो जितना बड़ा यन्त्र बनाता है उसे उतना ही अधिक सम्मान मिलने लगता है| यन्त्र बनने की होड़ समाज में लग जाती है| ज्यादा से ज्यादा पानी के नीचे जा सकने वाले यन्त्र, पानी के ऊपर से ही ज्यादा गहरे तक देख सकने वाले यन्त्र, इत्यादि| ज्यादा से ज्यादा लोग इस तरह के यन्त्र बनाने वाले व्यवसायों में संलग्न होने लगते हैं क्योकि इनमें ज्यादा पैसा भी है और सम्मान भी| जो लोग इससे या इससे जुड़े व्यवसायों में लगे रहते हैं उन्हें श्रेष्ट माना जाने लगता है| अब ज्यादा से ज्यादा लोग इन व्यवसायों में आ जाना चाहते हैं| इस होड़ में परस्पर प्रतिद्वंदिता, द्वेष, घृणा, इर्ष्या इत्यादि लोगों में जन्म लेने लगती है, जो समाज में परस्पर विरोध तथा लडाइयों को जन्म देने लगती हैं| लोग कई अलग अलग गुटों/राज्यों/देशों  में बटने लगते हैं और उनमें प्रतिद्वंदिता बनी रहती है| हर गुट/राज्य/देश सबसे पहले और सबसे ज्यादा आम पा लेना चाहता है|
प्रथ्वी पर उपलब्ध अधिक से अधिक प्राकृतिक संसाधनों का प्रयोग यन्त्र उपकरण बनाए में किया जाने लगता है और इसी को प्रगति का आधार भी माना जाने लगता है, जिससे और भी कई समस्याएं उत्पन्न होने लगती हैं| प्रत्येक  गुट/राज्य/देश प्रगति की इस नई परिभाषा की अनुरूपता में प्रगति कर लेना चाहता है| इसके कारण प्राकृतिक संसाधनों की भी प्रथ्वी पर कमी पड़ने लगती है| तरह तरह के यन्त्र उपकरण बनाने के उन्माद में पूरी सभ्यता अपना ख़ुद का ही विनाश करने पर उतारू हो जाती है| कई इस तरह की वस्तुओं का उत्पादन होने लगता है जिनका बोझ प्रथ्वी उठा नहीं सकती| प्राकृतिक व्यवस्था को बनाये रखते हुए वस्तुओं का उत्पादन संभव तो है लेकिन कोई उनमें लगना नहीं चाहता, क्योकि उत्पादन की उस विधि में ना तो पैसा है और ना ही सम्मान| और अगर कुछ लोग सही विधि से उतपादन के लिए कुछ करने की सोचते भी हैं तो उनके पास अपना ख़ुद का गुजर बसर करने के लिए भी संसाधन उपलब्ध नहीं हो पाते और फिर उनके द्वारा लिया कदम उनके ख़ुद के लिए अभिशाप बन जाता है|
साथ ही साथ एक दूसरी विचार धारा भी जन्म लेने लगती है जिसमें कुछ लोग ये देख लेते हैं की पानी में से आम निकालने का ये अथक प्रयास हम पिछले कई सालों से कर रहे हैं और कुछ हासिल नहीं कर पाये और इस आम को पाने की होड़ के कारण ही ये सब समस्याएं समाज में उत्पन्न हो रही हैं, तो वे लोग प्रस्ताव देते हैं की हमारे अन्दर ये आम को पाने की इच्छा ही हमारे दुखों का कारण है, हमें इस आम को पाने की इच्छा का ही दमन करना होगा! कई लोगों को ये बात सही भी लगती है और वे उस इच्छा को काफ़ी हद तक दबा भी पाते हैं| परन्तु अधिकतम लोगों को तो अभी भी वो आम की परछाई अपनी ओर आकर्षित करती रहती है और वे आम के प्रति अपनी इच्छा का दमन करने में अपने आप को असमर्थ पाते हैं|
इस तरह से यह दूसरी विचार धारा भी लोगों का काफ़ी कुछ भला नहीं कर पाती| पहली यन्त्र/उपकरणवादी विचारधारा ने तो लोगों को अपने चंगुल में फंसा ही रखा था और उसके परिणाम भी लोग भुगत ही रहे थे|
साथ ही साथ एक चीज़ और भी होती है, कुछ लोगों का इस बात पर ध्यान चला जाता है की ये जो आम हमें पानी में दिख रहा है ये तो केवल परछाई है, असल आम तो नदी के किनारे लगे पेड़ पर लगे हैं| वे लोग उन असल आमों का मजा ख़ुद तो ले ही रहे होते हैं और साथ ही साथ बाकी लोगों को बतलाने का प्रयास करते हैं की तो तुम्हें आम दिख रहा है वो आम नहीं है, आम तो नदी के किनारे लगे पेड़ पर हैं, जो तुम देख रहे हो वो तो केवल उन आमों की परछाई है| पर लोग उन्हें सुनने को तैयार नहीं होते| वे लोग उस आम के पेड़ की तरफ़ ध्यान तक देने को तैयार नहीं होते और केवल उन परछाइयों को ही आम माने रहते हैं और उन्हें पाने का प्रयास करते रहते हैं|
इसी तरह आम पाने का प्रयास चलता है| अधिक से अधिक लोग यन्त्र/उपकरणवादी मानसिकता से अधिक प्रभावित रहते हैं| अधिक से अधिक संसाधनों का प्रयोग होता रहता है और एक दिन धरती पर संसाधन इतने कम हो जाते हैं की इंसान का ख़ुद का रहना धरती पर दूभर हो जाता है| फिर वह इंसान दूसरे ग्रहों पर अपने अस्तित्व की संभावनाओं को खोजने लगता है और ये एक दूसरी होड़ को जन्म देती है|
इस तरह देखते ही देखते एक दिन सब ख़तम हो जाता है, पर किसी के आम हाथ नहीं लग पाता|

What is my expectation with other person?
We see that we expect something from other person, we like certain people and do not like many.
We see that we have many relationships like parents, relatives, friends and many more. We make new friends. We give different priorities to different friends. We classify our friends in different categories of Best, Close, Normal, Acquaintance etc. If we observe it closely then we come to know that the friends whom we call our best friends are generally those with whom we “feel” that they have accepted us unconditionally! With whom we have assurance that he/she is there for me no matter what! He/she will be there for me no matter what!

I want that other person Accepts me and keep Accepting me forever. He should never have any doubt about me in his/her mind. He should never misinterpret me. He should see me the way I see myself. He should Trust me Unconditionally, should Respect me Unconditionally and should Rightly Evaluate me always. We all feel close to those with whom our these expectations and requirements are met.

If in any case I feel any kind of behavior change of other person with me or If I sense that some doubt has come in the mind of other person or if I feel any kind of discontinuity of unconditional acceptance in other person for me, with whom I have had unconditional acceptance since a long time, then it terribly hurts me. I can not tolerate any kind of doubt about me in the mind of a person with whom I have spent a long time and who has accepted me unconditionally for long. I can never tolerate any kind of lack of assurance in other person’s mind for me in any case. If this happens I want other person to understand me, I want acceptance of the other person again on any cost. His understanding about me becomes my severe need in such a case. This must have happened with almost all of us. When this kind of thing happens and it is not resolved then we generally call it breach of Trust and ultimately a good long friendship/relationship converts into hatred/competition/jealousy etc. What do I do then?

If I have had 3-4 such kind of incidents then I conclude that, Relationship itself is a problem. I am then generally afraid to indulge into new relationships, I try to be detached, I isolate myself emotionally. Is that the solution? I will say no. In such a situation I feel myself emotionally deprived. I want to feel good again. When I again get any new person with whom I feel unconditional acceptance then I again feel good. I again expect other person to keep accepting me unconditionally forever. It is true that this time I am more careful and reluctant to indulge into the same, but I do and again possibility to suffer from same problem arises. So what is the solution and what is the root cause of all that is happening?

I am able to see that I have this expectation of Unconditional Acceptance in any relatinship from other person. It is such a need which is always there within me. Lets try to analyze this. There are two questions here

1. What is Unconditional Acceptance?
2. When do I feel that I have been Unconditionally Accepted?

What is Unconditional Acceptance?
Unconditional Acceptance, as the words themselves suggest, Acceptance without any condition. When there is no condition in acceptance then such kind of acceptance has continuity. Such kind of acceptance never fades out with time.

When do I feel that I have been Unconditionally Accepted?

Generally I feel that I have been Unconditionally Accepted when two conditions are met,
1. I feel that the other person has Accepted me Unconditionally.
2. When the manifestation of that Unconditional Acceptance by other person to me satisfies my notions/assumptions of Unconditional Acceptance.

I will elaborate what I want to say.

It happens many times that when the behavior of other person with whom I feel really good, changes then I get a doubt in me, “What happened to him?”, “Why he is behaving this way?”, “He was not like this…” etc. Such kind of uncertainties surround me doubts and questions, which keep troubling me. I feel insecure in the unconditional acceptance by other person for me. In most of the cases when I talk to other person for clarification of his behavior directly or indirectly then I realize that I was misinterpreting, I realize, “he was doing that for this reason” and I feel empathetic with him and feel good again. Till the time action/behavior of other person is within my range of sensitivity/empathy I feel fine, but when it goes outside and I could not figure out why he is doing what he is doing then doubt starts coming. This doubt again becomes a cause of my pain.

Generally we want other person to Unconditionally Accept us or Love us in the way we want. It is like saying, “Love me in this way”. We apply many-many-many conditions on other person to satisfy our notions of Unconditional Acceptance and when they are satisfied we feel that we have been Unconditionally Accepted and thus feel good. It is actually not at all Unconditional Acceptance. It is just the satisfaction of my preferences by other person. When other person satisfies my preferences, likings, dislikings and many other criterias and understand me then I feel that I have been Unconditionally Accepted. So we like those who satisfy our criterias of likings and disliking and not like those who do not satisfy them. Here, we also make one scale, that a person who satisfies most of my criterias is more dear one to me and the person satisfies less criterias is less dear one. I am always in search of a person who can satisfy all the criterias.

When I see above all points then I realize that because of all these I am always deprived of Unconditional Acceptance and I keep searching for a new person who can Unconditionally Accept me. In this way I see that it is really difficult to get Unconditional Acceptance from other person and keep depending on other person for my Happiness. I want my Happiness independent of any other person, but I see that I expect something from others and when those expectations are not fulfilled I feel unhappy, so what is the solution for it?

Solution is, Knowledge!

In this particular context, I can ask myself, what is there in Unconditional Acceptance which I am liking?

It is the feeling of Trust within myself due to the alignment of other person’s actions as per my expectations, which makes me happy. It is the feeling of Trust which makes me happy.

When I have Trust for other person I feel happy when I do not, I feel unhappy. Generally we feel that it is other person’s responsibility to keep my Trust.

To Understand Unconditional Acceptance, Trust, Respect, Relationships, Expectations etc. we need Knowledge. To increase this knowledge we need to continuously witness ourselves and ask why I am doing what I am doing? What is my root expectation? What do I really want? Whether something will be able to give me happiness and continuity of it or not? With more and more exploration my knowledge about myself, my expectations keeps increasing and I find answers within myself.

Knowledge includes,

1. Knowledge of the Self.
2. Knowledge of Entire Existence.
3. Knowledge of Natural Human Conduct.

There is a lot of scope to further write in this post, which is left on to the readers to think upon.

We all want to feel confident. When we lack confidence then we feel low, when we have confidence then we feel good. The major thing here to see is, what is the basis of our Self-Confidence? We see that different people feel confident because of different things. Some feel confident because they have good English, some because they have high ranks in various exams, some because they have studies many books and thus are intellectuals, some because they have good looks, some because of good communications skills, some because of money, some because of power, some because of position, some because of their way of conduct, some because of their principles, some because many people know them, some may even because of their simple living! Any difference which make them unique can be the basis of their confidence.

The major thing to see here is whether my confidence is my own or due to others? Whether my confidence is due to I am “more” in something than others? Whether my confidence is Relative or Absolute?

Somebody is confident because he has a lot of money and somebody is confident because he has given up his entire money. Somebody is confident because of his humble way of conduct and somebody because of his rude way of conduct. Somebody is confident because he feel that he knows more than others. Somebody is confident because he is a good critique and is able to find out mistake in others so feels “more” than them. But the fact still remains, whether my basis of confidence is other person, anything outside or I myself!

I have seen that mostly the confidence which we have is Relative i.e. I have confidence because I am “more” in something than others or I have something unique in me than others or others look up at me that’s why I am confident. Generally we see ourselves through the eyes of others, so the things to which others give importance become basis of ensuring my confidence. When other people around me look up at me or think good about me or think about me the way I want or the way I see myself then I feel good, I feel respected, I feel confident. When others around me do not see me the way I see myself or see me “less” or do not think good about me then I feel disrespected, I feel lack of confidence within myself. A slight appreciation by somebody makes me happy and slight ignorance, unhappy. Specially when the other person is the one with whom I have spend a long time or have considered him a responsible or sensible person or give importance to that person, if he sees me wrong, then it hurts me terribly, it shakes my confidence terribly, if he sees me right then I feel good, my level of confidence boosts up.

Many times it also happens that we secure our confidence by degrading others down in our eyes. We start looking down at others for one or another reasons and feel ourselves up and feel that our confidence is absolute, but it is also Relative, since I am up because other person is down in my eyes! We become a critique and are able to find out mistakes in each and every person. Finding out mistakes in others pushes them down in my eyes and thus I feel myself up, but the evaluation is still relative. As soon as any of them whom I look down start coming up my confidence shakes.

Relative Evaluation is the cause of Relative Self-Confidence!

Such kind of relative confidence always has insecurities involved. I am always insecure about my confidence, I am always afraid of others that if they come “Up”, I will go “Down”. Here the rat race starts, to secure my confidence I am always trying to be ahead or up of the other person. This thing leads to competitions, jealousy, envy, hatred, oppression, corruption, struggle, opposition, fights, wars and world wars! It is a chain.

So the question which comes is, what is the root cause of what all it is happening?

This desire to live with Confidence in Self is inherent in a human being. We want to live with Confidence all the time. We want to live with Confidence in all the aspects of our living. There is never a time when we desire for lack of it. We want Certainty, Consistency and Continuity of Confidence within ourselves. Due to the lack of some absolute basis we recognize it Relatively and thus the basis of my confidence becomes other person. I feel good about myself when other person has a good opinion about me.

Due to this Relative recognition of Confidence within ourselves this Relative Evaluation happens. I recognize my importance by seeing my importance to the other person. If I feel that I am not important to other person then I feel low, my confidence goes down.

There is one more thing to notice here. Generally the thing to which we give importance, by getting that thing we feel confident, that thing becomes basis of our self-confidence. Generally 5 things are basis of confidence in people,
1. Roop (Looks, Beauty)
2. Dhan (Money)
3. Pad (Position)
4. Bal (Power)
5. Buddhi (Intellect)

Whenever I make basis of my confidence any such thing which can be separated from me, which has this factor of relativity of “more” or “less” then my confidence is always relative. There are always insecurities involved in my confidence and to ensure its certainty, consistency and continuity I indulge into various problematic things which don’t me happy as well as others happy.

So what will be the absolute basis of Confidence to have absolute Self-Confidence which has Certainty, Consistency and Continuity?

Knowledge! and the basis of evaluation of things as myself and not other person, any book, any instrument, or anything. By knowledge I mean, understanding of harmony at the level of

1. Self
2. Family
3. Society
4. Nature
5. Existence

I remember when I was in primary school coming first in class was success for me, that is what I was told to me by my parents and teachers and that is what I assumed to be right. When I came in 10th, getting good percentage in board exam was success for me. After passing 10th getting into IIT or similar good institution was success for me and thus getting high rank in competitive exams like IIT, AIEEE was success for me. After getting a sufficiently good rank in AIEEE and getting into a good college, getting a good job became success for me. To achieve that success I spent 4 years in college studying all those subjects which I was NOT willing to study! Similar was the case in my primary, secondary and during the preparation for competitive exams, I was not really willing to study all those subjects which I studied. To study all those I had to mug, I had to go against my willingness, I had to suffer, I had to struggle, but since I had assumed something as success so I could not be happy until I achieve it. I completed my B.Tech and got sufficiently good job. I am successful as per my previous definitions of success, now what? Is this sufficient? do I want something more than this? But NO! When I see around me I find there are still some other notions of success. Getting up into corporate ladder is Success, doing MBA and getting a much high paying job is Success, getting ahead of others and coming on the top is success and there are many more!

When I see all this I find that I am not happy in the process of achieving the success which I have assumed to be success and by the time I achieve what I had assumed to be success, my notions of success are changed and I am still running! They say “Success is a journey and not a destination”, but am I happy in the journey? Is there any end to this race? Is there any absolute success or it is always relative? If success is relative then will I ever be successful? Is there happiness in process of achieving success or even after having achieved what I have assumed as success? Is there any definition of Success without Happiness? Why do I want to become successful?

When I ask these questions to myself, I realize that I want to become successful to be happy. Happiness is the main purpose. If the main purpose is not being fulfilled in the course of achieving success or even after having achieved success then what is meaning of becoming successful? There is no definition of success without understanding Happiness i.e. what is happiness? and how can I achieve it?

In current scenario or current notions of success are not able to make us happy and will not be able to make us happy, this is clear, but if not this then what will? This is the very basic question. I have talked to many people who are successful in current notions of success and I realized that they are still not happy, they want something “more” than that, but what is that “more” they do not exactly know!

There are two main questions which a human being has in his life.

1. What do I want to achieve?
2. How can I achieve it?

To analyze first question, if we make a list of all our desires and think more on them then we can identify what we really want to achieve. If I ask myself this question then answer which comes to me is, I want

Happiness + Prosperity + Relationships + Continuity of all 3.

Others can also ponder over this and can verify this if they find this true for themselves or not.

I want Happiness continuously, always, I want to “feel” Prosperity always, I want to live with feeling of relationships with others around me always. There is never a time when I desire for unhappiness, there is never a time when I desire for deprivation, there is never a time when I desire for opposition with anybody.

Now second questions which comes is, How can I achieve it?

Answer of this question can be taken as a proposal,

I can achieve Happiness + Prosperity + Relationships + Continuity of 3, by Understanding. By Understanding of what Happiness is? by Understanding of what Prosperity is? by Understanding of what Relationships are? In total by increasing my Knowledge at the level of

1. Self
2. Family
3. Society
4. Nature

I am very happy to inform you all that my old blogs have been recovered. Their URLs are,

http://enigmaticdev.wordpress.com

http://excogitativedev.wordpress.com

My blogs were hacked.

Thanks to wordpress support and Karan from whom I came to know about WordPress Support.

After my blogs were hacked I had created this blog, so from now on I will be available on my all 3 blogs. You can expect redundancy of same post on two different blogs.