अहंकार और आग्रह पर्याय हैं| अहंकार है तो आग्रह होगा ही और आग्रह अहंकार के होने का सूचक है| अहंकार स्थिति है और आग्रह गति है| स्थिति और गति से मेरा मतलब है, अहंकार एक तरह का बल है आग्रह के मूल में| बल स्थिति है और उसके होने के कारणवश जो घटना देखने में आती है वह गति है| हमें जो अक्सर दिखाई पड़ती है वह गति ही है| गति के आधार पर हम स्थिति के होने का अनुमान लगाते हैं| जैसे ग्रेविटेशन (दो वस्तुओं के बीच आकर्षण) स्थिति है और उसके कारण उनमें अपनी जगह से हिलना गति है| हर गति के मूल में कोई न कोई स्थिति होगी ही| स्थिति और गति को एक दूसरे से अलग नहीं किया जा सकता|

यहाँ पर मूल वस्तु समझने की अहंकार ही है| अक्सर हम अपने आग्रहों के आधार पर अपने अहंकार के आकार को पहचानते हैं| अहंकार के आकार को एकांत में समझ पाना अत्यंत ही कठिन है| एकांत में अहंकार के होने का अनुमान लगाया जा सकता है पर उसके आकार को समझ पाना अत्यंत ही कठिन है| हर व्यक्ति के अहंकार का आकार अपना अलग अलग होता है| देखने में भी आता है कि जिन घटनाओं से एक व्यक्ति प्रभावित हो रहा हो, जरूरी नहीं है की कोई दूसरा व्यक्ति भी प्रभावित हो| यह उनके अहंकारों के अलग अलग आकार होने का प्रमाण है|

अहंकार आग्रह करता है, आग्रह उसके पोषण का| अहंकार आग्रह करता है कि उसका जैसा आकार है, उसका आकार वैसा ही बना ही रहे या फिर और पुष्ट हो जाए, सख्त हो जाए| निरंतर अहंकार इसी प्रयास में लगा रहता है कि उसका पोषण हो, उसे अपने अस्तित्व के बने रहने या बढने कि आश्वस्ति मिलती रहे| क्योकि अहंकार आश्वस्ति चाहता है अपने अस्तित्व के बने रहने की या और सख्त हो जाने की तो वह एक निरंतर भय से पीड़ित भी रहता है| भय कि भविष्य में पोषण होगा या नहीं, मेरा अस्तित्व बना रहेगा या नहीं, जिन स्रोत से पोषण होता है वे बने रहेंगे या नहीं, कहीं स्रोत बदल ना जाएँ, कहीं मेरा पोषण कि जगह शोषण ना हो जाए इत्यादि| अहंकार सुरक्षा चाहता है| अहंकार जब असुरक्षित महसूस करता है तो वह परेशान हो जाता है, आग्रह कि तीव्रता को और बड़ा लेता है, आग्रह पूरा ना होने पर अपनी तीव्रता को और बढाता चला जाता है और अंततः एक हिंसक रूप धारण कर लेता है|जीजस क्राइस्ट जैसे व्यक्ति को भी घोर यातनाएं देकर सूली पर चडाने को तैयार हो जाता है, घोर युद्ध करवाता है, संबंधों को उजाड़ कर रख देता है और व्यक्तिगत स्तर पर मानसिक पीड़ा और अतृप्ति का अनुभव कराता है|ऐसा है अहंकार का स्वरुप|

अभी भी यह पूरी तरह स्पष्ट नहीं है कि अहंकार है क्या? कहाँ से आया ये? जैसा मैंने अभी तक अहंकार को जाना है, जैसा भी अभी मैं स्वयं को सापेक्षता में पहचानता हूँ वह मेरा अहंकार ही है| स्वयं कि सापेक्ष पहचान अहंकार है| अगर स्वयं की सापेक्ष पहचान अहंकार है और वह अगर इतने भयावह परिणाम दे सकती है तो इसका समाधान क्या है?

ऐसा तो नहीं है की मैं स्वयं अहंकार से मुक्त हो गया हूँ, पर जितनी भी मेरी समझ अभी तक बनी है उसके आधार पर अपने अनुभव को बंटाना चाहूँगा| अगर सापेक्ष पहचान एक समस्या है तो पहले तो यह स्वयं में एक आश्वस्ति बने कि मेरी किसी निरपेक्ष पहचान का अस्तित्व भी है| इस आश्वस्ति के आधार पर इस बात कि आश्वस्ति बढती जाती है कि अहंकार से मुक्ति संभव है और अहंकार मैं नहीं हूँ, बल्कि अहंकार मुझ में है| स्वयं की निरपेक्ष और सापेक्ष पहचान की समझ के साथ अहंकार से मुक्ति का तरीका भी समझ में आने लगता है| यह समझ में आने लगता है कि अहंकार को मैंने ही पकड़ा हुआ है, उसने मुझे नहीं पकड़ा हुआ| स्वयं में स्वयं की समझ के फलस्वरूप अहंकार से धीमे धीमे मुक्ति होती चली जाती है| स्वयं कि समझ है तो अहंकार नहीं है, अहंकार है तो स्वयं की समझ में कमी है| इस प्रक्रिया में मैं भी प्रयासरत हूँ|

यह एक बहुत ही पुराने गांव की बात है| उस गांव के लोगों में रात के अँधेरे को लेकर एक काफी विचित्र सी अवधारणा थी| जिस तरह से बारिश में पानी बरसता है जमीन पर, इस गांव के लोग मानते थे की रात को अँधेरा बरसता है जमीन पर| और तो और ये लोग यहाँ तक मानते थे की जिस तरह से हम बारिश का पानी गांव की परिधि से बाहर फेंक सकते हैं और गांव को पानी से मुक्त कर सकते हैं, उसी तरह से हम रात के अँधेरे को भी गांव के बाहर फेंक सकते हैं और गांव को अँधेरे से मुक्त कर सकते हैं| इस मान्यता के तहत हर रात को उस गाँव के कुछ लोग पानी की तरह बाल्टियों में अँधेरे को लेकर गांव की परिधि पर जाते और अँधेरे को बाहर फेंक देते| हर रात को कुछ लोगों की अँधेरे को गाँव के बाहर फेंकने की ड्यूटी लगा करती| पूरी रात भर यह काम चला करता| सुबह जब रौशनी आना चालू हो जाती तो ये लोग सोचते कि हम अँधेरे को गांव के बाहर फेंकने में सफल हो गए|

जिन्दा थे तो किसी ने
पास भी बिठाया नहीं,
अब खुद मेरे चरों
और बैठे जा रहे हैं|
पहले कभी किसी ने
मेरा हाल न पूछा
अब सभी आंसू
बहाए जा रहे हैं|
एक रुमाल भी भेंट नहीं किया
जब हम जिन्दा थे,
अब शालें और कपडे ऊपर
से ओढ़ाये जा रहे हैं|
सबको पता है की शालें और
कपडे इसके काम के नहीं
मगर फिर भी बेचारे दुनियादारी
निभाए जा रहे हैं|
कभी किसी ने एक वक्त का
खाना तक नहीं खिलाया,
अब देसी घी मेरे मूंह
में डाले जा रहे हैं|
जिंदगी में एक कदम भी
साथ न चल सका कोई,
अब फूलों से सजाकर
कंधे पे उठाए जा रहे हैं|
आज पता चला कि मौत
जिंदगी से बेहतर है,
हम तो बेवजह ही जिंदगी
कि चाहत किये जा रहे हैं|

बेचैन रहती है नदी
क्यों सागर की खातिर,
मिलना जिसमें मिट जाना है …
खुद खार होना है

अनदेखा करती
चली जाती है
जंगल के प्यार को लेकिन
हरा होता है जो उस से
जिस में वह खुद
हरी होती है|

— नन्द किशोर आचार्य जी

Generally we feel that Experiences of a human being are subjective and we can not talk about them Scientifically. We feel that everybody’s desires, thoughts, expectations, imagination, feelings etc. are different so we can not have a common basis to talk about them. It is said that there is no objectivity in them and it seems that there can not be. Ultimately it leads to the conclusions like everybody’s preferences are different, everybody’s desires, thoughts, expectations are different, everybody’s Truth is different and everybody is different.

Experiences differ from Physical realities in certain way which make their study difficult or different. Experiences can only be observed by the Experiencer i.e. the person who is experiencing them. Experiences can not be accessed by any other person by any means, other than the person who is experiencing them.  Experiences are said to be personal and subjective. Physical realities on the other hand are observable and verifiable through senses. Experiences can not be observed through senses. Sensory observations are relatively easier to observe and validate than Experiences.  This distinction doesn’t make Experiences unobservable, they are just observed differently.

Like, observing a chair in front of our eyes and observing “willingness to live with happiness” (or even “willingness to live”, “willingness to live with Trust”, “willingness to live with Respect”) are two different things. First is sensory, second is not. Second can only be observed within us. It is not unobservable. The way we can make mistakes in observations through senses and in experimentation, the same way there is possibility of making mistakes in correctly identifying and recognizing our own Experiences. For example “willingness to live with happiness” is something which can only be observed within. One may be unaware of it till it is observed within, but when a person who has experienced it within draws other person’s attention towards it and other person pays attention to it and realizes it within then it is validated for that person that it is true for him as well. This is what is called Experiential Validation.

Claim in this post is, internal realities or Experiences are not completely subjective in nature. They are as objective in nature as we feel Physical realities are. It is just the matter of practice that we are not trained to introspect and self reflect so we miss many of the internal realities (Experiences) or are totally unaware of them.

Since these internal realities are not observable through senses so their observation might seem difficult. A person who has “seen” these realities by himself can draw our attention towards them and we can validate by ourselves if that is true. Results in Experiential Validation may not be instantaneous. The observation itself may take years to be correctly made. It also depends on the “need” of the person who is observing. Without “need”, it is hard to make observation within. More strong the “need” is, the more precise observation can be made, and also observation makes “need” for further deeper observations more strong, so in this way it is reinforcing in itself.

A person who has already observed the realities whether internal or external can make the observations for others easy with his guidance, without which the process of observation may become extremely difficult, specially in case of Experiential Validation.

Most of our Relationships today are based on Domination and the worst part is, we are unaware of it!

Our intention or willingness is to live with Relationship but we try to fulfill that intention or willingness through Domination. In most of our relationships today, what we try to do is to dominate. In fact our relationships, acquaintances are based on domination. Those who let us dominate them we feel comfortable with them. Those who do not, we feel uncomfortable with them and want to dominate them somehow. Those who do not contradict us, do not speak against us, be polite with us, keep appreciating us, look up at us, feel good about us, have perception towards us the way we want, we feel comfortable with them. Those who contradict us, may even speak against us, may not appreciate us, may even look down at us, we feel uncomfortable with them and want to dominate them with the expectation that after this conditions will be favorable to us. We want to be looked up, we want to be appreciated, we want other person to feel good about us, we want a comfortable environment as per our preferences, we want others perceptions towards us as per our expectations, as per our preferences, as we see ourselves!

This kind of domination can be seen in all our relationships, be it, parent-children relationship, brother-sister relationship, friends, acquaintances or whatsoever. In fact domination in relationships is independent of the name of relationship. Even our caring, responsibilities, which we take  pride in doing are also filled in with the self interest and domination. Most of our interactions with other human beings can fall into this category of domination.

Interesting thing is, none of us like to be dominated but we all like to dominate. When we are being dominated then we feel bad and try to dominate the person who is trying to dominate us.

The question which arises is, why do we try to dominate? What is the basic motivation behind it?

We all evaluate ourselves. We evaluate ourselves on the basis “of something”, like our intellect, beauty, power, position, money etc. Mostly our evaluations are based on popular notions in the society. The way people have perceived us sometime or the other in our life, we start perceiving ourselves the same way and then expect others around us to perceive the same way we perceive ourselves. This is where the problem of domination germinates.

We evaluate ourselves “some way” and then expect people around us to evaluate us the same way. In fact we want those people around us who have the perception towards us the way we want, the way we like, the way we expect. Those who see ourselves the way we want we see them as relatives and those who do not we get a feeling of opposition for them and then we want to dominate them.

In most of the cases we are not even aware that such a phenomenon is happening inside us. We just keep living in reaction without understanding what is happening inside us.

So what is the way out of it?

If we see closely then it is the relative evaluation which is becoming the cause of all these problems. We evaluate ourselves relatively and expect others around us to evaluate the same way. We all have this need to have our right evaluation within ourselves. This need is ever actively present in us. We see that relative evaluation is becoming the cause of problems so there is a need to have absolute evaluation. Unless or until we have our certain and consistent evaluation of ourselves with us the problems which we saw above are not going to be resolved.

To have our absolute evaluation with ourselves we need knowledge. Knowledge is Knowledge of Self, Knowledge of Entire Existence and Knowledge of Natural Human Conduct.

Watch following YouTube video to see what I want to say.

‘Dharamveer’ is a common man at peace. Conflicting and competing ideologies confront him. His innocence and confusion vanishes when he finds himself trapped in an ideological web.

How preconditioning can make a human being to do anything!

There is a need to look within and identify what is preconditioning and what is natural!

Almost all of the security guards at IIIT-H are my friends. I planned to talk to one of them today. His name is Kumar Swami. I asked him (In Hindi), “Can I talk to you bhaiyya for some time if you are free?”.

Oh Yes Sure, he said.

I will ask you a few questions, would you like to answer them for me?

Yes please ask.

Why do you want to ask me questions bhaiyya, he asked.

I want to know about you that how you live and I will let others also know about it, I said.

OK bhaiyya ask me whatever you want, he said with a pleasant smile on his face.

What is your name?

Kumar Swami

Which place do you belong to?

Warangal (Parakkal)

Are you married?

Yes, I have two children.

Where in Hyderabad you live?

Masid Banda.

How much IIIT-H gives you (salary)?

7500 Rs per month.

How much is your house rent?

1500 Rs.

What are your work timings?

It is 12 hours a day. Sometimes day shift and sometimes night shift. 8 to 8.

How many days a week you work?

7 days a week.

I was amazed! I was thinking he will say 6 days, but 7 days a week, 12 hours a day duty is too much!

In which class your kids study?

One is in 1st class and other is in 2nd.

Which school they are in?

Shri Rama Public School.

What is their school fees?

2000 Rs per month for both.

Your wife also works?

Yes, she does stitching.

How much she is able to earn?

1000 Rs per month.

What your parents do?

They are in agriculture.

How much land you do they have in warangal?

A big piece of land.

Why did you migrate to Hyderabad?

No job available in Warangal.

How do you manage your family with money you and your wife earn?

In total we earn: 7500 + 1000 = 8500 Rs.

Out of which (per month expenditure), 1500 for rent, 2000 for school fees of kids, 2000 food expenditure, 500 Rs for travelling in public transport, others and around 1000 to 2000 Rs I save in bank.

Are you happy doing this job?

Not really. In this job I have very less time to sleep, very less time to take care of my health, my eating habits and timings have gone bad, I eat at 6 in the morning and come here and sometimes I have lunch in the afternoon otherwise directly dinner, I am left with no time for my family and other things even if I want to do them.

How are you relationships with your family members at home?

They are good.

Do you smoke or drink?

No

What did you want to become in your life?

After I completed my studies I wanted to settle in life, wanted to do a job or businness.

What would you like to become in your next birth?

A big officer.

How students, staff, faculty etc. treat you here?

They treat me well. Students call me bhaiyya and staff and faculty are also good. Faculty and staff call me “Security”.

Do they give you respect?

Yes.

What do you think about people? How do you find students and faculty here?

Everybody is good.

Here I stopped asking anymore questions. I said, “I am very happy to talk to bhaiyya. You are  an inspiration for us in many ways “.

He was sitting on his chair, I requested him to get up and then I gave him a “Jadoo ki Jhappi”.

He was quite happy, my eyes were also slightly moist.

This is where we finished our conversation.

I will not write my personal views or interpretation on this conversation. It is left on the reader to read and interpret their ways.