Total assurance that the Intentions of the other person are unconditionally good, is called Trust!

Generally when it comes to Trusting people then we do it by seeing their work and behavior. We set different criterias for declaring a person good or bad. When a person fits into some or more of those criterias we set a level of Trust to them. When I see that, “Yes this person seems to have nice behavior with me”, “he talks to me well”, “he helps me when I am in need”, “he understands me when I tell him my problems”, “he doesn’t leak my secrets to others” etc. then I Trust the person. Criterias may be different or similar but the method is generally the same.

Here the criteria of my Trust on other person is his behavior and work with me and others. Now as soon as the behavior or work of the person changes or differs even a bit then my Trust shakes. As soon as I see that there is some change in work or behavior then it bring uncertainty within me about the intentions of the person, which shakes my Trust. As soon as my Trust is shakened I feel hurt and uncomfortable. I feel very uncertain about the intentions of the other person and that uncertainty makes me unhappy. “Why he is behaving this way?”, “Why did he do this to me?”, “What happened to him?”, “I care for everybody but people do not give me back the same!”, “Why did he lie to me?”, “Why he is giving more priority to that guy these days?”, “He doesn’t care about me!”, “This relationship itself is a big problem” etc. kinds of uncertainties and doubts start coming into my mind. Uncertainty creates doubt, doubt creates fear, and fear is the source of unhappiness.

These kind of uncertainties make me to doubt on the intentions of the other person. As soon as I doubt on the intentions I get hurt. For example, when a small child says me something badly then I do not get hurt because I do not doubt on the intentions but rather I feel that the small kid lacks the competence thats why he is behaving that way. I rather feel responsible towards the small kid and try to help him increasing his competence by teaching him the way he should behave. But, when it comes to a elder person or my friend, when he behaves with me badly then I get hurt because I am uncertain about the intentions and ultimately doubt on them. I feel, “he wanted to hurt me!” or something similar. I expect more maturity in the work and behavior of an elderly person, so when his work and behavior changes then my expectations are violated. Those expectations of maturity in the work and behavior of the other person was the basis of my Trust, so when they change I doubt on the intentions and ultimately the Trust is shakened and I feel hurt.

The thing here to note is, in case of small child I did not feel bad or I did not get hurt, but in case of elderly man I got hurt. In case of small child I did doubt on the competence of the kid but not on the intentions so I did not get hurt, but in case of elderly man I doubted the intentions so I got hurt. It is not the other person who hurts me, but when I doubt on the intentions I feel hurt.

I get hurt, when I doubt or am uncertain about the intentions of the other person.

This is bound to happen till the time my basis of Trust on the person is his behavior and work. By Trusting other this way, the other person’s work and behavior becomes the source of my happiness and unhappiness. Other person gets the remote of my happiness. I want remote of my happiness in my own hands, for that to happen I want such a basis for my Trust which has certainty. Currently the basis of my Trust is the work and behavior of other person. Work and behavior of other person might be uncertain due to any reason. I can not force other person to keep behaving the same way in entire life. His behavior may change due to many reasons, due to his own problems, pressures, fears etc. The basis of my Trust here in itself might have uncertainty, so my Trust for other person is bound to have uncertainty with this basis.

When I Trust other person on the basis of his behavior and work then unknowingly I apply a condition on the behavior and work of other person that it should be certain, consistent and continuous. When this condition brakes I get hurt. I say, “No body is reliable, people are not worth Trusting! so be practical if you want to survive in the society”. Same thing happens with us also, we do not want to break the Trust of others so we try to make our behavior and work consistent in spite of having bad feelings about the others and feel suffocated. Ultimately we conclude, “This relationship itself is a problem!”

For my Trust for the other person, to have certainty, consistency and continuity, the basis of my Trust should be certain, consistent and continuous.

In most of the cases we judge the intentions of the other person by seeing his actions and competence. If I am able to see that

The other person wants to live with happiness,

His all the works are happening for the sake of happiness and continuity of it only,

He wants to make himself happy as well as me happy and this feeling of being happy is ever actively present in him,

Feeling of being in relationships is ever actively present in him same as me, and all the human interactions are happening for the sake of ensuring the relationships or acceptance,

Other person wants to live with knowledge same as me, and it is only omni-dimensional  resolution which can give happiness and continuity to a human being,

then I understand that the other person is like me, and his basic nature is same as me! and it is absolute. His basic desires are absolute and good. All his other desires and thoughts are the outcome of these basic desires. He wants to do good but is unable to do it. He lacks competence the same way I lack competence. When I see that the intentions of the other person are good and absolute then I get a basis for my Trust which is absolute in itself! then my Trust also becomes absolute, and it gives me continuity of happiness in relationships.

The basic desire or basic intention of a human being is absolute and good and is same for all human beings. When basis of my Trust for other human being is such an absolute thing then my Trust becomes unshakable because the foundation of it is unshakable, the foundation of it is certain, consistent, continuous and is ever actively present.

This is called Trust. When I have Trust, no body can hurt me. My behavior becomes certain, consistent and good with others because I do not mistrust their intentions which is fulfilling to them also.

Till the time I understand the basic nature of a human being, I lack Trust, but the need for relationships remain the same. So the only way to ensure good relationships with others is to have good communication with others. Communication resolves the problems. In most of the cases we doubt on the intentions of others and do not resolve the problems with them, which creates a lot of accumulation in us and causes hurt. The best way to resolve the problem is to talk to other person.

Till the time I am unable to see the basic nature of a human being, I lack Trust, I try to fulfill my lacking with the expectation of others Trusting me. I seek other people’s Trust when I lack Trust within myself for others, and when I have Trust within myself I find everybody related to me. Since I am unable to see the basic nature so my basis of Trust on other human being remain their behavior and work, which has inconsistency, which shakes my Trust and I keep on getting hurt. So the only option which I am left with is to understand the basic nature of a human being, that is to understand myself and to have Trust rather than to expect Trust.

It is not about getting Trust from others, it is about having Trust for others.

To understand Trust, Respect, Relationships, Happiness we need knowledge.

Knowledge includes

Knowledge of the self.

Knowledge of the existence

and Knowledge of the Natural Human Conduct.