We do not like to be judged. We like to be with people who are non-judgmental. When we are with such people we feel secure. We feel liberated. We feel that we can talk about anything, say anything and do anything. When we are with people who we feel are very judgmental and we feel that we will be judged on our every action and every word then we feel constrained, we feel discomfort, we feel suffocated. Same is the case with other person. As soon as other person starts feeling that he is being judged by us he starts running away from us. He starts feeling suffocated. He looses his freedom in front of us. Generally we all like to be with people with whom we have assurance of right and consistent judgment. We feel uncomfortable with people with whom we feel the possibility of being wrongly judged. We want to be rightly judged.

If we see our upbringing then we are all trained to judge people on the basis of their behavior and work. We categorize various kinds of thinking, feeling, behavior and works of people in categories of good and bad. Even there we make these levels of good and bad, that such kind of thinking is better than other, such kind of feeling is better than other and so on. The more we find other person’s thinking, feeling, behavior and work in alignment of our preferences of good the more good opinion we make about other person. Similarly we make the bad opinion. The kind of opinion we make about other person governs our behavior with other person.

In our entire upbringing, environment we are trained with patterns.  Patterns of good and bad. This kind of behavior is good, that kind of behavior is bad. This way of thinking is good, that way of thinking is bad, this kind of feeling is good, that kind of feeling is bad. Love is good, hatred is bad. All these kind of patterns contribute to our perception towards the world and ourselves. The more patterns I have learned the more judgmental I become.

If we see closely then our parents, our teachers, our society, our environment and everything around, is making us to learn such kind of patterns. In the childhood itself, we are taught by our parents, “Do not play with that kid, do not play with this kid”, “This is our relative, that is not”, “This way of behavior is good, that way is bad”, “if behavior is this then intention is that”, “he is your competitor, he is your friend, do not share with your competitors”, “this way of thinking is good and that is bad” and many more. We are trained with different patterns and also what pattern is assumed to be good and what bad. The kind of patterns we have learned governs our perception, feelings, thinking towards people around us.

What these patterns have given to us? Power of rejection. We reject people on the basis of their incompatibility with our patterns. The more patterns I have learned the more judgmental I become, the more power of rejection I develop, less number of people I feel comfortable with, less number of people feel comfortable with me, the more lonely I feel and then I blame others that people do not understand me. What is more important is to understand why something is good and why something is bad.

If we notice then a small child is free from such kind of patterns. He does not judge people on the basis of such kind of patterns because he has not learned any till now. He assumes people to be good, he trusts them unconditionally, he respects them unconditionally. His feeling for others remain consistent. He accepts others unconditionally.

These patterns which we are trained with right from the time we are born are responsible for maximum number of problems which we see in society today. These problems are spread at all the levels of our living. At the level of Self, at the level of family, society and nature.

These patterns which I have learned from the childhood and this judgmental attitude increases my power of rejection, non-acceptance. The more patterns I learn the more judgmental I become, the more I mistrust, the more inconsistent my feeling is for others, then more unhappy I am and the more unhappy I make others.

Feeling of Non-Acceptance for other person is not Naturally Acceptable to a human being. As soon as he gets this feeling of Non-Acceptance he troubles himself. This feeling of Non-Acceptance becomes cause of unhappiness in a human being and then he starts planning to cause unhappiness to other human being. It ultimately becomes mutually destructive. I am unhappy and I make other person unhappy.

The more power of rejection I have, the more judgmental I am, the less comfortable people feel with me. It creates an environment of mistrust and insecurity. Mistrust creates fear. It leads to several problems which we see in family, society and nature today.

We all want to be Accepted from others around us Unconditionally, but lack the capability to Accept others Unconditionally. The kind of patterns we learn, the kind of environment we have created has trained us to not to accept easily and to mistrust, but we all want to get accepted from others unconditionally. It gives rise to situation where everybody wants to get accepted from other person but nobody has this capability to accept.

Unless we recognize the True Nature of a human being and keep being driven by these patterns which we have learned since childhood, we can not make ourselves happy and can not make others around us happy. Understanding ourselves only gives rise to understanding the nature of a human being, which brings more consistency in our feeling towards other person and we keep becoming more free from patterns. It bring more consistency in our feeling and behavior towards other person with which other person also start feeling comfortable, which leads to Mutual Trust and Fearlessness. Starting of Happiness is from ourselves and Not from other person. If I am happy then only I can make family, society happy. Generally we feel that Happiness need to be ensured outside, it actually need to be ensured inside.

To understand Happiness, Trust, Respect, Acceptance etc. we need Knowledge.

Knowledge includes understanding related to:-
Self,
Family,
Society,
Nature.