We all want to feel confident. When we lack confidence then we feel low, when we have confidence then we feel good. The major thing here to see is, what is the basis of our Self-Confidence? We see that different people feel confident because of different things. Some feel confident because they have good English, some because they have high ranks in various exams, some because they have studies many books and thus are intellectuals, some because they have good looks, some because of good communications skills, some because of money, some because of power, some because of position, some because of their way of conduct, some because of their principles, some because many people know them, some may even because of their simple living! Any difference which make them unique can be the basis of their confidence.

The major thing to see here is whether my confidence is my own or due to others? Whether my confidence is due to I am “more” in something than others? Whether my confidence is Relative or Absolute?

Somebody is confident because he has a lot of money and somebody is confident because he has given up his entire money. Somebody is confident because of his humble way of conduct and somebody because of his rude way of conduct. Somebody is confident because he feel that he knows more than others. Somebody is confident because he is a good critique and is able to find out mistake in others so feels “more” than them. But the fact still remains, whether my basis of confidence is other person, anything outside or I myself!

I have seen that mostly the confidence which we have is Relative i.e. I have confidence because I am “more” in something than others or I have something unique in me than others or others look up at me that’s why I am confident. Generally we see ourselves through the eyes of others, so the things to which others give importance become basis of ensuring my confidence. When other people around me look up at me or think good about me or think about me the way I want or the way I see myself then I feel good, I feel respected, I feel confident. When others around me do not see me the way I see myself or see me “less” or do not think good about me then I feel disrespected, I feel lack of confidence within myself. A slight appreciation by somebody makes me happy and slight ignorance, unhappy. Specially when the other person is the one with whom I have spend a long time or have considered him a responsible or sensible person or give importance to that person, if he sees me wrong, then it hurts me terribly, it shakes my confidence terribly, if he sees me right then I feel good, my level of confidence boosts up.

Many times it also happens that we secure our confidence by degrading others down in our eyes. We start looking down at others for one or another reasons and feel ourselves up and feel that our confidence is absolute, but it is also Relative, since I am up because other person is down in my eyes! We become a critique and are able to find out mistakes in each and every person. Finding out mistakes in others pushes them down in my eyes and thus I feel myself up, but the evaluation is still relative. As soon as any of them whom I look down start coming up my confidence shakes.

Relative Evaluation is the cause of Relative Self-Confidence!

Such kind of relative confidence always has insecurities involved. I am always insecure about my confidence, I am always afraid of others that if they come “Up”, I will go “Down”. Here the rat race starts, to secure my confidence I am always trying to be ahead or up of the other person. This thing leads to competitions, jealousy, envy, hatred, oppression, corruption, struggle, opposition, fights, wars and world wars! It is a chain.

So the question which comes is, what is the root cause of what all it is happening?

This desire to live with Confidence in Self is inherent in a human being. We want to live with Confidence all the time. We want to live with Confidence in all the aspects of our living. There is never a time when we desire for lack of it. We want Certainty, Consistency and Continuity of Confidence within ourselves. Due to the lack of some absolute basis we recognize it Relatively and thus the basis of my confidence becomes other person. I feel good about myself when other person has a good opinion about me.

Due to this Relative recognition of Confidence within ourselves this Relative Evaluation happens. I recognize my importance by seeing my importance to the other person. If I feel that I am not important to other person then I feel low, my confidence goes down.

There is one more thing to notice here. Generally the thing to which we give importance, by getting that thing we feel confident, that thing becomes basis of our self-confidence. Generally 5 things are basis of confidence in people,
1. Roop (Looks, Beauty)
2. Dhan (Money)
3. Pad (Position)
4. Bal (Power)
5. Buddhi (Intellect)

Whenever I make basis of my confidence any such thing which can be separated from me, which has this factor of relativity of “more” or “less” then my confidence is always relative. There are always insecurities involved in my confidence and to ensure its certainty, consistency and continuity I indulge into various problematic things which don’t me happy as well as others happy.

So what will be the absolute basis of Confidence to have absolute Self-Confidence which has Certainty, Consistency and Continuity?

Knowledge! and the basis of evaluation of things as myself and not other person, any book, any instrument, or anything. By knowledge I mean, understanding of harmony at the level of

1. Self
2. Family
3. Society
4. Nature
5. Existence